Swimming
Tearing through the pool
The water presses into me on all sides
Water slows me down,
Water is the catalyst for my effort
The effort comes from my toes,
I kick from my toes.
Effort also comes from my fingertips,
Which push the water out of my way
I press forward against its density —
Forward not up to give up.
I heave myself towards the finish line.
Chlorine burns the whites of my brown eyes
And blurs out my competitors.
The sound waves of my battle cries,
are crash through the water at a higher frequency.
Don’t send me a signal when I am nearing the end
I don’t want to know when I approach it.
Even if the burn in my chest in unbearable,
Even if you know I’ve seen the crossed line at the bottom of the pool
Even if you want me to relax
Even though I know whose hugs await me at the end,
No warning is better.
Becuase where’s the fun in that?
Hey nice work improving your descriptive powers in this poem. This one is more detailed and vivid than your ice cream poem, though that one also had some vivid lines and showed your potential. Since we haven't discussed a poem of yours in class yet, I would like to discuss this one tomorrow. I'll provide more comments then!
ReplyDeleteI also really liked how vivid it was. My favorite part is the noise diction and theme - how that sense is somehow most poignant while the speaker is swimming, which is something we don't usually think about when picturing a pool.
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